Stuck in a rut

Well I've worked my butt off all week and haven't even dropped a pound. I'm Pretty sad considering tomorrow is the final weigh in for the challenge. I suppose you can't win them all but I sure wanted this bad. I guess we will see what the results are Wednesday. As for today I've already burned over 600 calories and I'm Headed back to the gym in an hour.

last week for the challenge!

So Im two days into the last week of the weight loss challenge And Im so close to winning i can taste it. Im working incredibly hard And hope I can make this happen. Im determined but honestly Im exhausted! I Just have to make it to monday And then Im giving myself a much needed week off! I think I deserve it.

Success!

I am on a roll and kicking butt big time!!! I'm losing pounds drastically this week and I'm working hard to make it happen! Worked out probly the hardest I ever have yesterday and even broke down crying in the middle of it but I kept going! I'm sitting at 211 right now and the number 199 is so close I will do anything it takes to get there!!! What an awesome week its been!!! More from me tomorrow!

Back on top!

I'm so sorry for not writing for so long!!!  I didn't want to write a bunch of down and depressing crap and that's all I was feeling!  I had a gain this last week due to my monthly crap coming around and I wasn't eating the best due to my depressed feelings, all around it was a terrible week.
Moving on...

I am feeling like I'm back in my groove and doing awesome again!  My eating habits are great and I'm exercising my booty off every chance I get!  The weight loss challenge only has two more weigh ins and then it is over.  Sadly I don't think I have a shot at winning any more but I still feel great about the progress I've made anyway!  After all this is a lifestyle change for me and losing and keeping it off ultimately is what matters most!  :)

I made a new collage of my weight loss progress and the difference in me is huge!  I'm loving the way I look these days and cant wait to get to my final goal and look!

Today was a great day and its coming to an end, gonna wrap it up by finishing my big bottle of water and hitting the sack, I'm exhausted!

A bad week...

Im still here, just have had a bad week and am starting to recover from it...

I will post tomorrow!

I want first place!!!

So as it stands right now I am in second place for winning the weight loss challenge im doing!!!  We have three weeks to go and I am stepping it up big time!
Today consisted of three seperate workouts!
Gym- 2 miles on the treadmill and 300 calories burned.
Bootcamp- 450 calories bured.
Gym- 0.5 miles on the treadmill and 100 calories burned/lifting weights, 150 calories burned!

Thats 1000 calories burned in one day!  Go me!  Wish me strength and luck that I can keep it up!

Also consumed 120 ounces of water today!
H2O does a body good!

Workouts!

I am la la la la loving my workouts! I love my loud music that pumps me up and keeps me going!!! I love the sweat that pours down my face when I run! I love the exhaustion I feel when I'm done! I love it all!
The weight loss challenge is almost over and I can't wait to see if I win! I sure hope I do but, as my sister in law pointed out to me, it is a win for me no matter what. I've been kicking butt and dropping weight like crazy over the last 8.5 months. To sit and think that I've lost 82 pounds is simply amazing!
I'm more proud of myself now then I've ever been in my life! I'm so thankful I finally found the courage to keep going and to not give up!
Yay me!

216

I am down to 216 pounds today! What an amazing feeling for me, that I have done this! I finally believe in myself and I know what I am capable of and that is ANYTHING! Anything I set my mind to, I can do! My goals need to be updated a little bit so I will be working on that over this upcoming weekend!
Went and worked out for the 7th day in a row, still feels good and I'm not getting burnt out! I will take a day off this weekend because I know that is good for my body!
I'm sorry that I haven't been writing a lot lately, Ive gone through a couple depressed funks but I'm out of it now and rockin an rollin!

:)

5 days and a break

SO Ive been back to working out for 5 days now and ive decided to take a break tonight!  Ive been doing awesome and I am still dropping pounds!  :)  I dont have a lot to say other than that, more soon! 

Loving working out again!

So I am back to working out and I am loving it!!!  I'm still taking it easy because of my back, mainly only doing 20-30 minute workouts but it feels so good!  Tomorrow is weigh in for the weight loss challenge and I cant wait to see what the scale says!!  I'm hoping I will be the weekly winner!  And we only have four weeks left in the challenge so I'm pretty stoked to see where I am in the whole process of it all.

Life is good!

What an awesome day!!!

So not only did I get to go work out tonight but I did it WELL!!! I ran like the wind, at least it felt that way!  And to top it off, ive lost four pounds since monday!!! I feel phenomenal!
So ready to be back on track!

Just here...

I hate to be posting so many negative posts but im feeling pretty low since I hurt my back.  Im still not exercising but that is about to change tomorrow.  I just cant stand not losing weight like I want to be and sadly im just maintining.  I know thats better than gaining but I have so much further to go in my weight loss, I NEED to lose!
Im going to go back to bootcamp tomorrow and just see how it goes.  I will post again tomorrow night with my results.  The 10 week challenge is halfway through an I am not in the lead where I want to be!  I need to get my butt in gear and I can use all the motivation anyone has to give!

Really struggling :(

I haven't been posting very much and I think a big part of that is because I am really struggling right now. I hurt my back last week and so I have not been able to keep up with my normal exercise routine. This is affecting me in many different ways, mentally I feel like it's breaking me down, like I'm back at the point where I don't even know if I can do this. It's making me very emotional because not only is my workout routine good for my health but it is also good for my emotional well being it is My stress relief. And physically no I pretty much feel like I'm just getting screwed over all, I have gained 3 pounds in the last week. I can't remember the last time I put on that much weight, It is incredibly discouraging to me. I really am trying to focus on the positive and not the negative, I'm trying to just look forward to when my back is better so I can work out again. But trying to be positive when you feel so negative is so hard.
I am more than open to any feedback that anyone cares to give me, I really could use some support right now.

Trying to get my routine back...

I haven't been going to the gym as much as I'd like to because my husband has had to work out of town a lot lately so my normal routine has become abnormal. Not only is it important to my health and losing weight but working out is a stress relief for me, so when I don't have him I feel like I'm really going downhill. Last week after my weigh in I lost another 3 pounds but then gained it back over the weekend so I ended up only losing a total of 1.8 pounds when I weighed in this Monday. I had feeling like a snail when it comes to my weightloss. So I'm trying ti get my routine back, I'm hoping by next week it will all fall back into place. On top of quitting eating so I can lose weight I'm now also giving up smoking so wish me luck!!!

More truth!

Losing weight is hard, its a challenge that many face and many fail at that challenge. The people that fail do not fail because it is impossible but because they simply do not believe in themselves.  Having the power of knowing you can accomplish anything makes all the difference.  Believing in yourself is the first step to reaching your full potential and your goals.
For years I didnt believe in myself and I never succeeded at losing weight.  Now I know I can do anything I set my mind to!

Believe in yourself, your worth it!    : )

busy busy life, still losing weight!

Im so sorry I havent been posting as much as normal.  My husband has been working out of town a lot which leaves me as the sole provider for our three kids and that keeps me super busy.  Although I dont have much time to write I still am not using my lack of spare time as an excuse not to eat smart and continue with my weight loss.  I am now down to 221.2 pounds and im so happy!  Today my awesome sister in law bought me some new workout clothes and im proud to say im loving being in smaller sizes!
Im loving my life right now, before I know it im gonna be under 200!
Life is GOOD!

Weigh in day

Today was my weigh in day and I feel like I did pretty darn good this week! I lost 4.6 pounds and im down to 223lbs!  Im so amazed at how far ive come and only further established in my thoughts that I can go all the way. I just feel total bliss!
My goal for next weigh in is to be under 220... 219 would be four pounds and, I GOT THIS!

Goal accomplished!

So I hit my goal and then some!!!  I lost two pounds more than necessary just to reach my goal.  I am now 226 pounds!  A total of 71 pounds lost now since I began this journey!

Words cannot explain my happiness today!  :)

Got a workout in today even though my legs are killing me from boot camp.
2 miles on the treadmill in 34 Minutes and 300 calories burned.  Not hardcore but not too shabby!

Request granted! :)

Well I am updating my blog due to a request from a reader  :)
I'm super annoyed at the moment because I just spent the last twenty minutes writing and then my laptop froze and lost it so lets see if I can remember all I wrote...

Re cap of the last week:
I took Friday and Saturday off from the gym because my body really needed it after going for almost 3 weeks straight with no break.  This would have been okay except I made some pretty poor eating choices and I have been very unhappy with myself because of it.  Luckily when I weighed in tonight at the gym for the weight loss challenge I'm in, it showed that I lost a pound.  Not sure how but I'm chalking it up to be a second chance to get it together!
I did the boot camp class again tonight and then went to the gym for some extra cardio.  I'm loving these classes, they are hardcore and intense and leave me hurting but oh so worth it.
Everything I do physically to push myself is making change in me, that change is beyond noticeable at this point!  My husband notices, I see it in his eyes and it makes me feel so good.
People I haven't seen for a while notice and I also see it in their eyes, I love it!  It helps me keep going!
Today was the last day for the April percentage challenge I started.  When I weigh tomorrow morning I should be 228 pounds to reach my goal and also my personal goal!  I'm hoping I hit this.  I cant go by my weigh in at the gym because their scale is like 4 pounds off from mine so I am going to weigh at home and I forgot to this morning.

I'm loving this life change, why didn't I figure out that I could make this happen years ago?!  Below is a picture of me on November 2nd 2011, 6 months ago...

And below is a picture of me TODAY, WOW, im so proud of myself.

More posts tomorrow regarding my goals, goodnight!

Changing my weigh in days!

Due to the 10 week challenge I am going to start weighing in on Mondays now.  This week I will skip saturdays weigh in and resume with them on monday.


***I can see myself skinny sometimes close in the future!!!***

My personal goal and my April challenge goal!

So my next personal goal is to be down to 228 by April 30th.
I also am doing a month challenge to lose 5% of my weight by April 30th.
I started on April 1st at 240 pounds so I would need to be 228 on the 30th to reach that.

So if I do good I can kick butt on two goals at the same time!  Pretty sure I got it in the bag because my last weigh in was 4 days ago and I was 229, there are still 5 days left to meet my goals!

I TOTALLY got this!

Weightoss challenge!

So my results for the first week of the weight loss challege are:..........

I lost 3.8 pounds.

Not too shabby I think!   :)

Hot hot weather!!!

Well there weather is scorching!!!  If I just sat outside for an hour or two I could probably melt away about five pounds that way!  Tonight is my second bootcamp workout and I'm excited to go and it is also the first weigh in, I'm nervous for that!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!

More later after I know the results of what I lost!

Kickin bootay!!!

I totally kicked butt at the gym tonight!  Went above and beyond my daily goal by far and feel amazing about it!!!Tomorrow is weigh in for the weight loss challenge and I am excited to see how much Ive lost for the first week of it.  Due to the weigh in days for the challenge I will be changing my weigh in days to that day which is Monday!

STATS:

I started the night with 10 minutes on the elliptical and burned 120 calories.
Then on the treadmill I did 50 minutes and 3 miles and I burned 450 calories.
And last I did the stationary bicycle and I did 3 miles and burned 90 calories.

Grand total:  660 calories burned for the night!!!

Bootcamp!

Tried the bootcamp class and I love it! What a workout! :)
My sister in law made me a yummy replenishing dinner afterwards that was incredibly low in calories but very filling!
Im so pumped and back on the excited train!
I got this! Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I cant wait to see what the scale says!
Want to win this weight loss challenge so bad!
Now its time for me to relax!
:)

Life is good! So is LOSS!

THINGS ARE GOING GREAT! My life couldn't be better right now! I'm working out every day and kicking butt! Loving the changes in me and I can't wait to see them keep comin!!! Sticking to my goal of two miles a day and thinking every week I will up it by half a mile!!!

I got this!!!

Annoyed!

Left the gym very annoyed tonight.  Didn't do half as good as I did last night, or at least that's how it felt.  Put in my 2 miles and burned 330 calories but that was it.  I felt dizzy most of the time and my shins felt like they were going to explode.  I know I'm whining and complaining but its the truth.  I know my eating habits are not good right now.  I'm not taking in nearly enough calories and it is going to start affecting me in a real bad way.  My problem, not enough time to eat and not enough money for groceries.  :(

Tomorrow is a new day, hope its a better one!

A ten week goal

Since I joined the weight loss challenge here I have a goal for the next 10 weeks.
I will do no less than two miles six days a week.  Whether it is running or walking, I'm doing it.  And as I usually do I will take a picture and add it to my daily ramblings!  Everyone wish me luck, I really want to win this!!!

 :)

Weight loss challenge!

June 25th is the end date for the 10 week challenge!!!

So my goal is to lose 3 pounds a week.  Which would be 30 pounds by the final weigh in.

By their scale which is not correct, It says I was 235 tonight.  So I need to be 205 by June 25th!

I want to win this!!!

Yahoooooooo!

So I joined a 10 week weight loss challenge, one that is local right here where I live.  We will weigh in on Mondays and there will be a weekly winner and then of course at the end there will be a winner for 1st, 2nd, and also 3rd place!  I'm feeling pretty confident that I can place in at least the top three!!!

I started off my ten weeks by hitting the gym and pushing it big time!  I'm getting better but still feel like I'm having some setbacks.  It feels like I'm not running nearly as well as I was before and I sure wish that wasn't the case, kinda depresses me a little.

All in time, all in time I keep trying to tell my brain.  Setbacks happen, right?  I just have to keep plugging along.

So my stats for the night are 2.5 miles in 42 minutes and 400 calories burned!!!

Woooo hooo!

And now I'm exhausted and going to bed  :)

A 3 pound loss is good for me :)

So I lost three pounds exactly since last saturday.  Really I lost more because I had gained a coupple pounds back sunday an monday.  Im happy with this, I of course was hoping for a bigger number but now I have something to push for this week!  I am almost under 230 and I cant wait to see the number 2222222sssss.  I havent been 220 something since my first daughter was born in 2006.

I GOT THIS, I can do this, I will succeed, and I will achieve all of my goals!

working hard & hoping it pays off!

Worked my butt off at the gym tonight as well as being there this morning too. Tomorrow is my weigh in day, hoping the scale reflects all my hard work! :)
I'm exhausted and going to bed now!

So happy!

I was thinking today, that I am happy! I'm happy with where my life is going, with the way I am starting to look, with my success in weight loss, I'm happy with many things but when it comes to how I look these days I am ecstatic! And that made me think about something, I wonder how I am going to feel when I lose all of this weight and look the way Ive dreamed of looking for so long?!!! I cant wait!

Here I am now, Simply... Happy!

Im going to reset my goals:

I feel like I need to reset my goals because when I started they were slightly unrealistic. Everyone has setbacks when it comes to weight loss and I didn't give myself any room to have any. I think that now I am almost halfway through this journey I have a better understanding of how my body is and what I need to do physically to meet the goals I want to achieve! 

          My old goals: My first goal date is actually tomorrow, 2 weeks after the start of a new healthy life!

January 21st- 259 pounds. This is the day of my husbands work dinner an silent auction, I want to look good for him!!! (I WAS OFF BY .4 POUNDS FOR THIS GOAL)

March 11th- 240 pounds. My BIRTHDAY!!! (I WAS WAY OFF ON THIS GOAL) TODAY I AM: 235 pounds!

 

 

It is April 12th today and these are my NEW GOALS:

 

April 30th- I will be down to 228 pounds.
This gives me 18 days to lose 7 pounds and is completely possible!!!

June 15th- 215 pounds. Summer begins, I wanna wear an actual swimsuit!!!!

August 5th- 199 pounds.

(This is a huge goal for me! To be under 200 pounds) Time for our county fair, HOT weather and I don't want to be wearing clothes to hide the fat!

September 16th- 190 pounds. My anniversary! 5 years! :)

November 20th- 170 pounds. My hubby's birthday! Gonna order some sexy lingerie! :)

December 25th- 160 pounds.

January 15th- 2013- 150 pounds. FINAL GOAL! :)

           THESE GOALS ARE ATTAINABLE!!! I know that I can and will lose my next and final 85 pounds in the next 9 months!!!

A good day!

I worked my butt off tonight At the gym and it feels soooooo good! :) I pushed myself to new limits and once again I am doing things I never thought I could do and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! I'm learning through this weight loss process that there will always be ups and downs but I will always have that chance to pick myself back up and keep moving again! There will never be an excuse to stay down. Not only do I have my positive mindset but I also have a few really good friends and family that are there for me to support me when I need them the most, and that picks me up! No excuses!!! This weight is coming off, pound by pound and for good!!! What an awesome day! I'm stoked for my date with the gym tomorrow! :)

Frustrated

I'm feeling very frustrated!!!

Because it seems like no matter how hard I work at it, things just aren't going like I want them to. I felt like I did so well on Easter, small portions, stopping when I was full. But apparently I still did bad. Yesterday I was up two pounds since Saturday and today its still up 1.5 pounds. Ive been going to the gym and eating right. I took in all my water yesterday and what the heck is happening?!!! FRUSTRATED!

Easter went good an bad..

So I baked and cooked all day and I was so good!
I didnt Eat or snack or taste. But I did have a weak moment tonight and ate some cake. Stupid me!
So I went to the gym but only burned off the calories that I took in basically.  I did 2 miles and burned about 250 calories.
I've been slacking on my water and feel bloated. Blehg. Tomorrow is a new day!!!

Another pound bites the dust!

Im down two more pounds actually!!! I lost five pounds this week bringing me down to 235 pounds!!!I feel so amazing and happy with myself! Tomorrow is easter and I am cooking all afternoon! I AM GOING TO BE GOOD! I am going to eat but only small portions and stop when im full!!! I can do this! And then I am hitting the gym after dinner! :)

Double whammy!

I went to the gym twice today and got in a couple short but decent workouts!!! Im feeling amazing today! I have so much more confidence in myself then I think I ever have! I am loving life! Drank my water and stayed within my calories and ate well! GOOD DAY!

I FINALLY accomplished it!!!

Im finally under 240 and ecstatic doesnt even begin to describe how I feel!!! I am now 238.4 and I will never see the 240s again!!! Starting the day off right with a protein meal bar and some fruit for breakfast and im excited for my big snack im making from my hungry girl cookbook!!! Going to get a workout in this morning at home again and hit the gym again tonight!!! I GOT THIS, I KNOW IM AMAZING! Ya baby! Today my focus is taking in all GOOD calories and hitting my water goal again of 100 ounces!

As the day comes to an end...

So I am at 72 ounces of water but I WILL finish my water bottle before bed which will complete my water goal for the day!!! I got 25 mins of cardio at home this morning and then I did 28 minutes on the treadmill, 2 miles and burned 275 calories!!! Wasnt the hour I had hoped for on the treadmill but its getting late and I want to spend time with my hubby. I feel confident that I did well today! :) I feel so good about myself! Im drinking my protein shake and hoping it helps me to burn more calories while I sleep tonight!

A new day, a new goal!!!

Today's goal is to drink 100 ounces of water and get an hour in on the treadmill! Ive already done 25 minutes of cardio and circuit training at home this morning and ive drank 40 ounces of water so far! Watching last nights biggest loser and blubbering like a baby! I cant wait to look as amazing as the contestants do now! I feel good and I cant wait until I reach my final goal. Far off it may be but I am on the road to it and I CAN DO THIS! FEELING SO INCREDIBLY POSITIVE AND HAPPY TODAY! I love myself!

Goal update

Well I hit two of my three daily goals! Drank my water and also stayed under my calories and ate healthy!!! Didnt make it to the gym though. I repierced my eyebrow a month ago, up until today it was fine. Hardly swelled at all and didnt hurt. Then today my eyebrow area and into my eye swells up horribly. :( I cant hardly see from that eye because it so swollen. Needless to say the piercing is gone now. Blehg. All in all, it was a decent day! Hoping to kick butt tomorrow with my exercise!

April 3rd progress pics!

Looking slimmer but I still have a long way to go! 240 in this picture! Such an incredible difference from 290s in the picture below!

Got to keep a good thing going!

I've been slacking on my blog. I'm a mom to three small kids and a wife and it keeps me busy busy but Thats no excuse. I can find the time for my blog and I will. Why is it so important? Because the more I write, the more I stay focused!!! Today is April 3rd. I am sitting at 240.8 pounds and I've been teetering here for a month. Well no more. It's time to crack down and drop these pounds! I'm going to set daily goals and then report here my results on those goals. Goal #1 - I will drink at least 100 ounces of water today! Goal #2 - I will get at least 2 hours of workout time in today! Goal #3 - I will stay within my calories and eat well. I'm ready to make it happen! I can do this! I got this!!!

And time stood still... Or not

Im frustrated but staying positive!!! I cant break this mark in my weightloss and its driving me crazy! I know it is going to happen, and when it does hopefully it will be smooth sailing again for a while but in the meantime it just stinks! Tonight I had pizza, not the best choice in food but it was the first time probably ever that I was able to eat one slice and not any more than that! I am very proud of myself! Back on the health wagon tomorrow! Im sure the pizza will have my belly in an uproar tonight, Blehg!

Just another day in paradise!

Im so excited that it is tuesday because the biggest loser is on tonight which means I am on the treadmill for two hours!!! This has to be short an sweet cause my babies are waking up but im here, im alive an well an ready for another day to kick butt in this weightloss journey of mine!!! :) All of life is a journey, some parts are routine, some important and some are simply necessary to survive!!! My weightloss is necessary!

check in...

I just wanna scream!!! I feel like I'm stuck in the mud! I just can't seem to get myself under 240. As of now I'm sitting at 241.8 and I so desperately want to see the number 239! I am Going to hit the gym tomorrow/today (its 2am)and push myself as hard as I can!!! Hopefully Monday morning I will be saying buh bye to the 240's!!! Wish me luck, and wish me strength! I can do this, right? RIGHT! I can do it!!! I want to be in some cutie cute shorts in another two months, I'm thinking I need to be about 220 for that so my temporary goal is to lose at least 2.5 pounds a week for the next 8 weeks!!! :)

Spring, where are you?

I have had this thought through my weightloss process that the harder I work at losing weight an can get the pounds off the better I will look when it warms up and is "shorts an tanks" season. Well due to the state I live in and this awful weird weather pattern were having it looks like I will get some extra time to shed those pounds. It is March 22nd and it is still freezing, literally, and in just about every surrounding town there is large amounts of snow. Hey, fine be me I suppose! Just means I get extra time to work on my bootay so it looks good in shorts. :) Things are going great for me right now! Myfitnesspal is my newest favorite weight loss tool! I use it all throughout the day and it is easy because I can do it right from my phone! My favorite part, the barcode scanner! All I have to do is scan what im eating, super super easy! Im staying under my calories every day and I am drinking insane amounts of water! Im losing steadily and loving it! I havent been able to get to the gym for over a week now :( which is sad because I LOVE the treadmill. My husband worked 74 hours last week an is well on his way to that this week too. BUT, for the next two nights I decided that it doesnt matter if it is 10pm, midnight or 2am...I AM going to the gym to bust my ass as a last chance workout before saturday which is my weigh in day! My goal is to be under 240 pounds and I am confident I can make it happen!!! In the meantime while I am stuck at home I am learning different ways to get my butt moving an burning calories!!! I use my Wii and do Just dance sometimes and others I do 3 sets and 10 reps in each set of jumping jacks, push ups and lunges. I also found a way to give my legs a workout and make my 2 yr old happy too... I sit on the couch and she sits on my feet and I raise her up in the air an then down, over an over. She gets a mommy made teeter totter and I get a great workout for my legs, WIN WIN! So, thats about all from me for now! Im staying strong and positive and loving the numbers on the scale! :)

I'm going to rant!!!

It's very irritating to me when your in a competition of weight loss and some people bust their ass daily to work out and eat right for their weight loss and others take the road of popping diet pills or doing anything "diet enhanced"... Is this fair?!

Slacking on posts again!

I'm sorry! My life is crazy busy, my husband works like 60-70 hrs a week which means I am a full time mommy, alone to 3 kids!  By the time they are sleeping all I can think of is cleaning my house and going to bed!
Anyway,  Things are going ok for me... I feel like Ive hit a plateau and its got me stressed some but I will get through it!  :)

KEEP FIGHTING THE FAT!  :)

So I thought my workout monday night was intense, and it was but not half as intense as my workout last night was!  After Monday I thought that I had reached a milestone, that I had pushed as hard as I could and made an awesome accomplishment.  I had, this is true, BUT ...
Last night was a miracle!!!  I worked out long and hard and when I thought my body couldn't take anymore I kept pushing myself and I survived it!  I survived and now I have a huge sense of accomplishment and I have never been so incredibly proud of myself, ever!!!  I know know that there are no limits, I can do and I can achieve ANYTHING!

Im so high on life right now!  :)

The definition of PROUD:

1. Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, possession, quality, or relationship by which one measures one's stature or self-worth.

 

2. Feeling or showing justifiable self-respect.

 

 

3. Filled with or showing excessive self-esteem

 

 

I am so incredibly proud of myself!  I went to the gym tonight and I pushed myself further than I ever thought possible!  I pushed myself so hard that I cried, and then I puked, lol.

I love it!!!

The truth, and my progress! :) Its RAW

Here is the truth at its best.

Nobody is perfect, everyone will fail, and will do it often throughout their life. A lot of us wander not ever knowing what direction to take as if we are little lost puppy dogs.  Some of us will never overcome the sense of guilt and doubt from what they have become and they will never get the chance to see the light and become a happier healthier person.

I am not perfect but I am striving to be a better person!

I have failed many times and still do in many aspects of life but when I do fail now, I learn from it and I don't wallow in pity, I get back up and I keep going!

I have spent years wandering and feeling lost, but NOW, I am found and I am on the right track to never losing myself and who I want to be again!

I have overcome the doubt that I will never lose weight, because I AM DOING IT!  I still feel guilty because I am guilty of letting myself go and getting so overweight but I love rather than loathe the guilt now because it is a reminder for me to keep pushing!

I know that I can do this!
I will conquer my fears and I will succeed!

I can, I will, I am doing it!!!!

:)

Stupidity is defined by me.

So I have worked my way to an incredible place, I have reached goals and accomplished more than I ever thought I could.  Sadly, when it just starts getting easy I decide to sabotage myself.  In two days it is my birthday and the day of my next goal.  I could have hit that goal but I chose to screw it off.
I say "chose" and take that lightly because I believe my depression played a large part in the decisions made.
Doesn't matter, it is an excuse!
I was down to 245 pounds, only 5 pounds away from my goal, and that was Sunday.  Today is Friday and I am back up to 248.  :(
That being because I ate pizza, taco bell and also a bacon cheeseburger.  All of these meals were late at night.  I suppose I could say I am probably lucky I didn't gain a whole lot more from all of that crap!

Im so incredibly disappointed in myself and sad that I am not going to hit my goal.  This is a large setback and not small and I am finding so hard to get back on track.  How can I possibly make up for what I have done?!

I don't know its possible...

STILL losing! :)

Even though my life has been nuts lately I am still losing weight!  :)
The last month for my family has been crazy!  It started with moving and then two of my kids getting a terrible head cold which turned into those two getting better and then the other one having the head cold, then my two year old a week ago started running a high fever and two days later she is diagnosed with hand foot an mouth disease. Four days later I start to feel queasy and I end up with the 24 hour stomach bug from hell and now my 5 year old has it too... That's a few of the things on the long list if craziness that's been going on.
Those are SOME of the reasons I just haven't had time to post on here, SORRY!
But I am still focused and doing well!  My next goal is in 7 days and I am only 5 pounds away from it!!!

I'm sitting at 245, numbers I haven't seen in soooooo long!  I'm getting so incredibly happy about my progress and am starting to feel so good about ME!

Ps.  All of my jeans hang off of me now and I LOVE IT!

Crazy hectic life!!!

I sware at some point I am going to get back on track with this!  I am working hard at getting settled into our new home and now thinking a lot about my next goal because it is only 15 days away and I am 10 pounds away from it!!!  I haven't been exercising because of all the crap going on in my life, NO EXCUSE really, I know.  I am working on it!  I'm ready to buckle down an lose the 10 pounds so I can hit my goal by my birthday!  Think of me, and wish me luck!!!   :)  :)  :)

I GOT THIS!

Im a slacker in posting but im not slacking on my mission of weight loss!

Soooo it has been a week or more since I posted and I'm feeling rotten about it but I have been very very busy!  We moved into our new home 5 days ago and Ive been running ragged.  Kind of a good thing because it is keeping me SLIM! Okay well getting me SLIM, lol.
Ive only lost a pound in a half in two weeks but I think that's pretty good cause Ive had some slip ups for sure.  My newest downfall is wildberry mojitos, LOVE them, but they are bad bad bad!
By next week we should be unpacked here and settled in as well as done with our old place completely.  By then I will get back on track with my exercise and I plan to stick with the eating plan Ive been on...MY plan!
Love it!

I'm still here, I was in hibernation but I am still on course for my next goal!!!
I have 25 days to lose 12 pounds and I KNOW I can do it!!!
Don't wish me luck as this is not a goal achieved by luck, instead wish me strength and tolerance!  :)

Struggling again...

UGH, I just want to scream!  These last few days have been terrible for me!!!  I don't know what it is, too much going on, being stressed, emotional, or maybe a combo of all three but I am doing awful with my eating.  I did the horrible naughty awful last night and ate Chinese food in bed at 8:30pm!  Oh my god was I regretting that almost immediately afterwards.  :(
There is something about falling off the wagon that makes it so damn hard to get back up and on again.  I am determined to get there, watching myself fall into a pit of despair is NOT what I want to be doing. 
I'm gonna say it here, LOUD and CLEAR for all to see...

I will get back up, I will keep fighting, I wont give in, I CAN and WILL do this... I'm gonna kick this fat to the curb where it belongs!!!

Tomorrow is a new day and I am gonna start it right AND end it right!!!  : )

Good luck to me and good luck to you!

Monday February 6th!!!

Its a new week and a new day!  Making it count!!!  I already got my workout in and its now 8:30am and I feel energized and happy!  :)  Short but sweet, have a fantastic day to anyone who reads this!   


I GOT THIS!!!

Loving life a little bit more! :)

As the pounds continue to drop I continue to feel so much better!  Physically, mentally and emotionally!  I am gaining a confidence that im not sure I ever had before and that in its self feels great!  Every day that I do this right it gets easier and easier!  One of these days I wont even have to think about what im eating or that I need to get a workout in, it is just going to be a normal part of my life!  I feel like I am headed in the right direction in many ways and love it!
Yesterday I got a Wii and Zumba for it!  I am soooo excited to start doing it and hoping it gives me the results I think it will!  Im hoping to get the biggest loser one eventually because that is what I really want.  It will have to wait for a little while though because you also have to have the balance board for that an it is not cheap!
Anyway, its a good day and I have started it off right!

:)

A new number!!!

So as of today I am down to 253 pounds, I have not been at this number in almost three years!  Wow, it feels so good.  It also feels amazing to walk across my house and know that my jeans are slightly hanging off of me!  Time to go down a size I do believe!
When I started I had a positive attitude but really didn't feel like I could accomplish my goals with weight loss.  Now I feel like I can, I know that I can because I am doing it!!!
I couldn't be more proud of my self right now!  I have lost 19 pounds in four weeks and now I have four more weeks until my next goal, (240 by march 11th), that's only 13 pounds to lose and I know I can do it!!!

: )

By the way, im sorry I havent been keeping up with this blog, ive got a lot going on right now but I will try to do better!

Depression and overcoming it!

For years I have battled depression, it seems to come and go and when it comes it seems out of nowhere and hits me like a sledgehammer!  I am learning over this last month that exercise is essential for me to keeping that depression at bay.  There is something about being on the treadmill that makes it drain away.  It makes me feel good and gives me the confidence I need to make it through another day!
I am a mom of three small kids and my husband works long hours a lot of the time, which means for me that I do not always make it to the gym when I want to.  I know you can work out at home and I do at times but it doesn't compare in the least to what I get out of the gym!  Because of this I am going to be searching for a used treadmill, I cannot afford one brand new!  Well,  I probably cant even afford a used one but I think it is of MAJOR importance to me surviving my life and losing this weight to begin a new life.
Not all people can understand what it is like to be so overweight, as a matter of fact you cant even begin to comprehend unless you've been in the same position.  It takes a toll on a person in several ways, of course physically it kills you daily.  Your feet hurt, you are always out of breath and almost any physical exertion makes you feel like your dying.  Emotionally you feel like a failure, like you are never going to be good enough for anything, you see yourself the same as you think others see you, fat and worthless.  Mentally it drags you down constantly, thinking you will always be this way, that you don't have the strength to change it and then in begins to drag you down, down, down into a depression so deep you think you'll never get out.
And people wonder why overweight people keep eating and "don't want to be healthy", Ive heard that so many times.  It isn't that we DON'T want to be healthy and happy.  Its that the world we live in is such despair we don't have the strength to try.  For some even after trying it is a let down, they can work their butts off and not see the results they desire and that pushes them back down.
For myself, I have realized what I need is little daily encouragements to keep me going.  I need to see the pounds coming off even if it is half a pound at a time.  I need to put on a pair of jeans and realize I didn't have to lay on the bed to button them.  I need to have people see and acknowledge that I am trying and working so very hard at my goals.  All of these things play a part in helping to get someone committed to losing...pounds! 
I feel like I'm rambling, just a lot on my mind.  The end result of all of the rambling... Please do not give up.  I am not going to and nobody else should either.  If we all band together as family, friends and even acquaintances, we can accomplish anything!
So go out today, compliment someone, improve someone Else's day because by paying it forward, it will get back to us.

Grrrr... :(

Well I cant get to the gym tonight.  Not happy... When I cant exercise the way I want to it just depresses me. 
:(

Kinda dropped off the radar, but IM BACK!

So the last three days have been insane and hectic for me.  My kids are all sick and for 7 days now my husband has been working long crazy hours, doesn't get home til at least around 8pm!  That makes for very busy hectic days for me, moving on from that... I AM BACK!

Saturday I weighed in at 256 pounds!  Wooooo hooo!  I am on the way to a better and healthier and happier me!  I haven't been exercising for the last few days so I think that may negatively affect me a little bit but I have been doing pretty good controlling my eating!  I have slipped a few times in moments of stress but I have that under control now and am going strong.

I got cable hooked up yesterday so I have been able to catch up on the first four episodes of this seasons biggest loser and its got me even more determined that I have been!  Tonight is the new episode and I will be watching it while on the treadmill and elliptical at the gym!  My plan is to stay on during the entire show which I believe is two hours!  Hope to burn some major calories!

I am feeling so good about my weight loss so far!  I cant wait to see the pounds keep dropping off and I'm so ready to feel better about myself and my appearance!  With that being said, this is sooooo hard!  I struggle daily with NOT eating all the things I want to because I know I still cannot control my portion size when eating normal foods.  It does get easier everyday but there are moments that are incredibly hard for me. 

Now I have to change things up a bit as well.  I am going to be incorporating some weights into my workouts, I need to tone and strengthen as I lose so I don't end up just being flabby with hanging skin.

Okay, I'm pumped and ready for the day!  Hope everyone else is too!!! 

I GOT THIS!!!

2nd workout, last chance workout!

So I got in my second workout of the day, kinda a last chance workout before I weigh in tomorrow!  I am so beyond anxious to see what the scale says in the morning!  I'm LOVING this change in me and cant wait to see more pounds drop off!  Ive decided since my next goal is march 11th and is my birthday, if I hit it I am going to treat myself to some new clothes and maybe get my hair an nails done!  Little perks of working my butt off, literally!!!
Now its time for a shower and bedtime, if my son will let me I'm sure gonna sleep good tonight!  :)

It's a sadness

For as long as I can remember I have felt uncomfortable, ashamed, and very much so unattractive when it comes to being intimate with my husband.  I KNOW in my heart he loves me for me, and that he is attracted to me.  But my thoughts and feelings have constantly told me otherwise.  This has caused complications in my marriage.  There have been times when I have made excuses even when I wanted to be with him because I was feeling so low about myself.  There have also been times when I have started bawling my eyes out and could not go on.  I've often wondered to myself what it would be like to be confident, to KNOW that I'm sexy and beautiful. 
I'm sharing this very personal part of me because it is one of my motivators to stay strong and lose this weight.  What wife doesn't want to be smokin hot for their husband?  Well I do, and I WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!!!

Burn it off baby!!! Burn baby burn!!!

Just got an awesome workout in!
Sweatin to the oldies with Richard simmons for 20 minutes and then a High intensity 8 minute workout with Billy Blanks (Tae Bo)... My whole body hurts, my muscles burn and I'm drenched in sweat but it feels soooo good!

Burn those pounds away!  :)

If you haven't got you some good sweaty burnin action today then I encourage you to go get you some!

I LOVE this feeling!!!

I am feeling super super fantastic this morning, got on the scale and the numbers just continue to impress me!  Have not been able to work out all week because my husband has been working like crazy but I am going to get some kind of exercise in today for sure to boost the "decrease" in numbers on the scale tomorrow morning!!! 
Todays meal schedule for me:

Breakfast:  One egg, over easy on a piece of wheat toast and one slice of bacon.

Snack:  Two small pieces of celery with 1 tbsp on peanut butter.

Lunch:  A lean cuisine or smart ones meal.

Snack:  Two small pieces of celery with 1 tbsp of peanut butter.

Dinner:  One slim fast shake.

Happy Happy, oh so happy!

So after last Saturday, not hitting my goal I also went out with my husband and had a big dinner along with drinks and that put me up a few pounds, I have been working hard to get it back down!  This morning was a happy moment for me, I weighed at 259.8!!!
FINALLY, I'm under 260!  This only gives me the strength to keep pushing on!
I'm going to accomplish this, I'm headstrong and on the way to a healthier, happier me!

I GOT THIS!

Yikes, but then...Better!

Oh jeez, last night was something terrible terrible!  I had a major moment of weakness and I let my emotions get the best of me.  I had made my kids homemade mac an cheese, elbow macaroni, Velveeta cheese and milk.  A fatty fatty combo and I totally binged on it!  Think I ate about 2 cups worth!  A normal serving is most likely about half a cup, maybe 3/4.  So all last night I felt horribly guilty and then this morning the scale read some numbers that made me sick.
The upside:  It made me sick enough to give myself one final kick in the ass and then move on!  Today I rocked it with my eating... A fiber one bar, 1/4 cup of celery, 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, a lean cuisine, a fiber one brownie, and a slim fast.  That was all consumed between 5am and 6pm.  That's 13 hours and only 6 different items,  I'm so proud of me!  Half a year ago id be eating 6 different items every 1-2 hours, that is awful!
Anyway, I'm doing good and headed in the right direction!  And now I'm ready for bed!

Struggling

As much as I hate to say it because I've been doing so well, I am struggling a bit right now.  Yesterday I ate some things I shouldn't have and probably ended the day around 1500 calories.  That is a high jump from the 800-900 I usually take in.  My plan isn't to forever stay that low in calories but I'm using it as kind of a jump start and also to train my body that less is better and healthier is better!
I didn't get any exercise in yesterday either and I'm trying to do that on a daily basis without fail.
Today I am struggling to drink the water I need to be drinking.  I feel like maybe it is because I am not as active as I have been in the last couple weeks, and then again maybe it is because I'm just so darn busy with kids and life I don't take the time to think of myself as I should.
Writing this blog helps me stay focused and on track so I know I have to make time for it.  It is easy to get caught up in life and slip a little, then a little more and then finally your completely off track.  And starting over completely is a lot harder then starting again after a little slip up.
So I am going to push myself today to drink my water, stay on track with my strict diet that I have planned out and get some form of exercise in no matter what!

Going to stay, strong, positive and HAPPY with my weight loss progress!

A new day :)

After my weigh in yesterday I actually kind of starved myself half the day, not really meaning to though.  Then I finally ate a lean cuisine around 2pm and didn't have dinner until about 7:30pm.  My husband and I attended his annual work party and it included drinks and dinner so I splurged quite a bit but still within reason because I did not over stuff myself.
My night consisted of a Crown and coke and a Tequila sunrise for drinks.  And for dinner I had a roll, a serving of salad, a serving of baked potatoes, a serving of pasta, and a LARGE serving (probably like 3 servings) of Prime rib.  I do not want to think of all of the calories this entailed and I will just say that I thoroughly enjoyed my evening and my meal and I do not regret it one bit.
I will say that this morning I felt quite bloated and I think I can attribute that to the drinks and the fact that I hardly drank any water at all yesterday.  This morning I was up from 260.2 to 262.6, I am hoping I can change that the other direction quickly. 

I just got done with my workout for the day!   27 minutes, (odd I know) 1.3 miles, 160 calories burned.

Not as good as I would have liked it to be but it is better than nothing and I am headed on my way back up up up in energy and strength, not pounds!  :)

I'm at 60 ounces of water so far and its only 2:30pm, so its a good day all around!

For anyone that may be struggling out there, hang tough!!!  One bad day does not make who you are and it doesn't mean you can not do what you set out to do.  A set back is simply a set back, it shouldn't hold you back, GET UP and TRY again!!!  :)  You can do this, I got this, and so do you!

Weigh In and First Goal

So today is Saturday the 21st of January, my weight in day and also the day of my first goal.  With much sadness I have to say I did not reach my first goal.  I wasn't able to workout last night and I have no doubt if I would have I would have hit my goal, because I was only .4 pounds away from it.  But, excuses are like you know, an everyone has got one. Moving on...

I weighed in this morning at 260.2, that is an awesome number no matter what to see on my scale because that means in two weeks I lost 12 pounds!!!  And I did it the healthy way, not crash dieting, not starving myself.  I ate normal portions, things high in fiber and I drank water water water!!!  And lets not forget that I worked out like a crazy person!  :)

I'm a little sad that I am not below 260 today but for the sake of my end result I am moving on and I'm sure I will be soon!!! 

Thanks for all of the support I have received and will be receiving!  : p

Yesterday evening, the dreaded smell of Sonic!

It was about 5pm and I still had some running around to do.  Knowing I wouldn't be home to make dinner I decided to stop an pick up some cheap burgers for the kids.

  I arrived at sonic and while pulling into the parking lot the sweet smell of fat an greasy yummy food entered my nostrils.

 As I looked at the menu waiting to order my mouth watered. When the lady asked me if I'd like to try a Oreo milkshake I licked my lips and fantasized over what it would taste like.

 And when I received the food an then drove ten minutes with its aroma filling my blazer I thought I might die.

BUT I didn't touch it. Not one bite, not one taste. Now that is some Freakin Willpower!!!

Willpower and strength, that is what it takes to make it through the things that make you feel as if your about to break!  Just saying to yourself over and over again, I CAN do this, it helps and it works, so DO IT! Go get you some willpower and strength, dig deep... its there, inside of you!!!

Friday January 20th! A good day!

Tomorrow is my weigh in day to see if I meet my first goal!  I am 3 pounds away as of right now!  I started my day with some sweating to the oldies with Richard Simmons followed by some intense Tae Bo with billy blanks!  Ive already drank over 40 ounces of water and it is about 10am!  My goal is to keep my calories low for the day and include a lot of fiber and protein!  Tonight I will get in one last workout and hope it pays off!  I REALLY want to hit that first goal!  Wish me luck!  :)




Picture: Me, this morning after my workout! 1-20-2012

My goals from start to finish!!!

A little background of my weight:

March 2001- 128 pounds
January 2002- 200 pounds
January 2005- 180 pounds
July 2006- 241 pounds
September 2007- 240 pounds
June 2009- 255 pounds
February 2010- 272 pounds
January 2011- 260 pounds
September 2011- 297 pounds
October 2011- 276 pounds
January 2012- 272 pounds

As you can see I have not been under 260 pounds since the beginning of 2009!  So my first goal is so very important to me and I am hoping hoping hoping that I make it...


Here are my goals:

My first goal date is actually tomorrow, 2 weeks after the start of a new healthy life!

January 21st-  259 pounds.
This is the day of my husbands work dinner an silent auction, I want to look good for him!!!

March 11th- 240 pounds.
My BIRTHDAY!!!

April 30th- 220 pounds
Last day of the challenge for a weight loss group I joined.

June 15th- 200 pounds.
Summer begins, I wanna wear an actual swimsuit!!!!

August 5th- 180 pounds.
Time for our county fair, HOT weather and I wanna wear little to no clothes, HA HA!

September 16th- 160 pounds.
My anniversary! 5 years!  :)

November 20th- 140 pounds.
FINAL GOAL, My hubbys birthday!  Gonna order some sexy lingerie!  :)

That is 10.5 months to lose 132.2 pounds.  I know it sounds drastic but I know it is possible!
I can do this and I will do this!
Hitting my goals will be a huge part of keeping me on track, but I also know that sometimes it might not happen.  I will be okay, I will re adjust my goals a little and get right back with it if that happens!

This is my beginning to a NEW me and the END to the old me!!!

Technically I started my journey 13 days ago but I have decided to keep track of it in a public way!  Just another way of holding myself accountable and making sure I reach my goals!!!
I was average as a younger person, not skinny skinny but not overweight. My weight gain started between the age of 16 and 17 when I was pregnant with my first child.  To explain in a short roundabout way, I had a baby boy but I gave him up for adoption.  I chose a better life for him because I was not ready to be a mom.  That being said, this is not about that but about me and my life now.
So before getting pregnant my weight was 128 pounds and I am 5 foot 3 inches.  By the time I gave birth I was 200 pounds.  Between the ages of 17 and 20 I fluctuated between 180 and 200 pounds.  Then I got pregnant with my daughter Savannah.  By the time I gave birth to her in July of 2006 I was 21 years old and up to 241 pounds.  I managed to initially lose some of that weight and went back down to 208 pounds.  But in no time the weight climbed back up. By the time I got married in September of 2007 I was 250 pounds.  Over the years I tried to lose weight, dieting and exercise but usually it was a crash course diet that failed because it didn't last and I went right back to my old eating habits.  In June of 2009 I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter, at my first appointment I weighed in at 262 pounds and by the time I had her I was 274 pounds.  I didn't lose so much after having her and it wasn't long before I was pregnant again.  A year to be exact is when we found out we were expecting our son.  My first doctors appointment for him, I weighed 272 pounds.  Just two pounds under what I was at a full term pregnancy with my daughter.  I was beyond discouraged because I knew I was bound to gain at least 20 to 30 pounds if not more.  I was fairly careful during my last pregnancy because I was scared of hitting 300 pounds.  Just the number 300 sounds enormous, and that is how I felt.  So my all time high record weight was on September 19th, 2011 the day my son was born.  297 pounds, and I sure looked it too!!!  Since having him four months ago I was able to get down about 25 pounds.  When I started this 13 days ago I was 272.4 pounds.

I am done being fat!!!  I am done because it makes me depressed and unhappy, I have horribly low self esteem because I feel disgusting!  I am done because I am ashamed of myself for gaining so much weight and staying that way for so long!  I am done because I want to run and play with my kids.  I am done because I want to be sexy for my husband!  I am done because I want to be healthy and live a long happy healthy life!  I AM DONE because FAT is not going to dictate my life and who I am!

My first goal I set for myself was to be down to 259 pounds at my two week mark.  That is in 2 days and I am now right between 264 and 265.  I know I can do this!  I have been working out and eating a healthy low calorie diet!  I have messed up probably a handful of times but I am going strong and I refuse to quit! 
I need all the support I can get so feel free to leave me comments about your thoughts and, well, anything you want to say! 

I am going to post a few pictures of me at my highest weight and I will continue to post pictures as my weight goes down and I hit my goals!!!
My next blog will record my notes and daily meals and such for the last 13 days as well as the goals I have set for myself!

Are you ready to watch my kick butt?!  Cause I'm going to, I GOT THIS!!!