Grrrr... :(

Well I cant get to the gym tonight.  Not happy... When I cant exercise the way I want to it just depresses me. 
:(

Kinda dropped off the radar, but IM BACK!

So the last three days have been insane and hectic for me.  My kids are all sick and for 7 days now my husband has been working long crazy hours, doesn't get home til at least around 8pm!  That makes for very busy hectic days for me, moving on from that... I AM BACK!

Saturday I weighed in at 256 pounds!  Wooooo hooo!  I am on the way to a better and healthier and happier me!  I haven't been exercising for the last few days so I think that may negatively affect me a little bit but I have been doing pretty good controlling my eating!  I have slipped a few times in moments of stress but I have that under control now and am going strong.

I got cable hooked up yesterday so I have been able to catch up on the first four episodes of this seasons biggest loser and its got me even more determined that I have been!  Tonight is the new episode and I will be watching it while on the treadmill and elliptical at the gym!  My plan is to stay on during the entire show which I believe is two hours!  Hope to burn some major calories!

I am feeling so good about my weight loss so far!  I cant wait to see the pounds keep dropping off and I'm so ready to feel better about myself and my appearance!  With that being said, this is sooooo hard!  I struggle daily with NOT eating all the things I want to because I know I still cannot control my portion size when eating normal foods.  It does get easier everyday but there are moments that are incredibly hard for me. 

Now I have to change things up a bit as well.  I am going to be incorporating some weights into my workouts, I need to tone and strengthen as I lose so I don't end up just being flabby with hanging skin.

Okay, I'm pumped and ready for the day!  Hope everyone else is too!!! 

I GOT THIS!!!

2nd workout, last chance workout!

So I got in my second workout of the day, kinda a last chance workout before I weigh in tomorrow!  I am so beyond anxious to see what the scale says in the morning!  I'm LOVING this change in me and cant wait to see more pounds drop off!  Ive decided since my next goal is march 11th and is my birthday, if I hit it I am going to treat myself to some new clothes and maybe get my hair an nails done!  Little perks of working my butt off, literally!!!
Now its time for a shower and bedtime, if my son will let me I'm sure gonna sleep good tonight!  :)

It's a sadness

For as long as I can remember I have felt uncomfortable, ashamed, and very much so unattractive when it comes to being intimate with my husband.  I KNOW in my heart he loves me for me, and that he is attracted to me.  But my thoughts and feelings have constantly told me otherwise.  This has caused complications in my marriage.  There have been times when I have made excuses even when I wanted to be with him because I was feeling so low about myself.  There have also been times when I have started bawling my eyes out and could not go on.  I've often wondered to myself what it would be like to be confident, to KNOW that I'm sexy and beautiful. 
I'm sharing this very personal part of me because it is one of my motivators to stay strong and lose this weight.  What wife doesn't want to be smokin hot for their husband?  Well I do, and I WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!!!

Burn it off baby!!! Burn baby burn!!!

Just got an awesome workout in!
Sweatin to the oldies with Richard simmons for 20 minutes and then a High intensity 8 minute workout with Billy Blanks (Tae Bo)... My whole body hurts, my muscles burn and I'm drenched in sweat but it feels soooo good!

Burn those pounds away!  :)

If you haven't got you some good sweaty burnin action today then I encourage you to go get you some!

I LOVE this feeling!!!

I am feeling super super fantastic this morning, got on the scale and the numbers just continue to impress me!  Have not been able to work out all week because my husband has been working like crazy but I am going to get some kind of exercise in today for sure to boost the "decrease" in numbers on the scale tomorrow morning!!! 
Todays meal schedule for me:

Breakfast:  One egg, over easy on a piece of wheat toast and one slice of bacon.

Snack:  Two small pieces of celery with 1 tbsp on peanut butter.

Lunch:  A lean cuisine or smart ones meal.

Snack:  Two small pieces of celery with 1 tbsp of peanut butter.

Dinner:  One slim fast shake.

Happy Happy, oh so happy!

So after last Saturday, not hitting my goal I also went out with my husband and had a big dinner along with drinks and that put me up a few pounds, I have been working hard to get it back down!  This morning was a happy moment for me, I weighed at 259.8!!!
FINALLY, I'm under 260!  This only gives me the strength to keep pushing on!
I'm going to accomplish this, I'm headstrong and on the way to a healthier, happier me!

I GOT THIS!

Yikes, but then...Better!

Oh jeez, last night was something terrible terrible!  I had a major moment of weakness and I let my emotions get the best of me.  I had made my kids homemade mac an cheese, elbow macaroni, Velveeta cheese and milk.  A fatty fatty combo and I totally binged on it!  Think I ate about 2 cups worth!  A normal serving is most likely about half a cup, maybe 3/4.  So all last night I felt horribly guilty and then this morning the scale read some numbers that made me sick.
The upside:  It made me sick enough to give myself one final kick in the ass and then move on!  Today I rocked it with my eating... A fiber one bar, 1/4 cup of celery, 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, a lean cuisine, a fiber one brownie, and a slim fast.  That was all consumed between 5am and 6pm.  That's 13 hours and only 6 different items,  I'm so proud of me!  Half a year ago id be eating 6 different items every 1-2 hours, that is awful!
Anyway, I'm doing good and headed in the right direction!  And now I'm ready for bed!

Struggling

As much as I hate to say it because I've been doing so well, I am struggling a bit right now.  Yesterday I ate some things I shouldn't have and probably ended the day around 1500 calories.  That is a high jump from the 800-900 I usually take in.  My plan isn't to forever stay that low in calories but I'm using it as kind of a jump start and also to train my body that less is better and healthier is better!
I didn't get any exercise in yesterday either and I'm trying to do that on a daily basis without fail.
Today I am struggling to drink the water I need to be drinking.  I feel like maybe it is because I am not as active as I have been in the last couple weeks, and then again maybe it is because I'm just so darn busy with kids and life I don't take the time to think of myself as I should.
Writing this blog helps me stay focused and on track so I know I have to make time for it.  It is easy to get caught up in life and slip a little, then a little more and then finally your completely off track.  And starting over completely is a lot harder then starting again after a little slip up.
So I am going to push myself today to drink my water, stay on track with my strict diet that I have planned out and get some form of exercise in no matter what!

Going to stay, strong, positive and HAPPY with my weight loss progress!

A new day :)

After my weigh in yesterday I actually kind of starved myself half the day, not really meaning to though.  Then I finally ate a lean cuisine around 2pm and didn't have dinner until about 7:30pm.  My husband and I attended his annual work party and it included drinks and dinner so I splurged quite a bit but still within reason because I did not over stuff myself.
My night consisted of a Crown and coke and a Tequila sunrise for drinks.  And for dinner I had a roll, a serving of salad, a serving of baked potatoes, a serving of pasta, and a LARGE serving (probably like 3 servings) of Prime rib.  I do not want to think of all of the calories this entailed and I will just say that I thoroughly enjoyed my evening and my meal and I do not regret it one bit.
I will say that this morning I felt quite bloated and I think I can attribute that to the drinks and the fact that I hardly drank any water at all yesterday.  This morning I was up from 260.2 to 262.6, I am hoping I can change that the other direction quickly. 

I just got done with my workout for the day!   27 minutes, (odd I know) 1.3 miles, 160 calories burned.

Not as good as I would have liked it to be but it is better than nothing and I am headed on my way back up up up in energy and strength, not pounds!  :)

I'm at 60 ounces of water so far and its only 2:30pm, so its a good day all around!

For anyone that may be struggling out there, hang tough!!!  One bad day does not make who you are and it doesn't mean you can not do what you set out to do.  A set back is simply a set back, it shouldn't hold you back, GET UP and TRY again!!!  :)  You can do this, I got this, and so do you!

Weigh In and First Goal

So today is Saturday the 21st of January, my weight in day and also the day of my first goal.  With much sadness I have to say I did not reach my first goal.  I wasn't able to workout last night and I have no doubt if I would have I would have hit my goal, because I was only .4 pounds away from it.  But, excuses are like you know, an everyone has got one. Moving on...

I weighed in this morning at 260.2, that is an awesome number no matter what to see on my scale because that means in two weeks I lost 12 pounds!!!  And I did it the healthy way, not crash dieting, not starving myself.  I ate normal portions, things high in fiber and I drank water water water!!!  And lets not forget that I worked out like a crazy person!  :)

I'm a little sad that I am not below 260 today but for the sake of my end result I am moving on and I'm sure I will be soon!!! 

Thanks for all of the support I have received and will be receiving!  : p

Yesterday evening, the dreaded smell of Sonic!

It was about 5pm and I still had some running around to do.  Knowing I wouldn't be home to make dinner I decided to stop an pick up some cheap burgers for the kids.

  I arrived at sonic and while pulling into the parking lot the sweet smell of fat an greasy yummy food entered my nostrils.

 As I looked at the menu waiting to order my mouth watered. When the lady asked me if I'd like to try a Oreo milkshake I licked my lips and fantasized over what it would taste like.

 And when I received the food an then drove ten minutes with its aroma filling my blazer I thought I might die.

BUT I didn't touch it. Not one bite, not one taste. Now that is some Freakin Willpower!!!

Willpower and strength, that is what it takes to make it through the things that make you feel as if your about to break!  Just saying to yourself over and over again, I CAN do this, it helps and it works, so DO IT! Go get you some willpower and strength, dig deep... its there, inside of you!!!

Friday January 20th! A good day!

Tomorrow is my weigh in day to see if I meet my first goal!  I am 3 pounds away as of right now!  I started my day with some sweating to the oldies with Richard Simmons followed by some intense Tae Bo with billy blanks!  Ive already drank over 40 ounces of water and it is about 10am!  My goal is to keep my calories low for the day and include a lot of fiber and protein!  Tonight I will get in one last workout and hope it pays off!  I REALLY want to hit that first goal!  Wish me luck!  :)




Picture: Me, this morning after my workout! 1-20-2012

My goals from start to finish!!!

A little background of my weight:

March 2001- 128 pounds
January 2002- 200 pounds
January 2005- 180 pounds
July 2006- 241 pounds
September 2007- 240 pounds
June 2009- 255 pounds
February 2010- 272 pounds
January 2011- 260 pounds
September 2011- 297 pounds
October 2011- 276 pounds
January 2012- 272 pounds

As you can see I have not been under 260 pounds since the beginning of 2009!  So my first goal is so very important to me and I am hoping hoping hoping that I make it...


Here are my goals:

My first goal date is actually tomorrow, 2 weeks after the start of a new healthy life!

January 21st-  259 pounds.
This is the day of my husbands work dinner an silent auction, I want to look good for him!!!

March 11th- 240 pounds.
My BIRTHDAY!!!

April 30th- 220 pounds
Last day of the challenge for a weight loss group I joined.

June 15th- 200 pounds.
Summer begins, I wanna wear an actual swimsuit!!!!

August 5th- 180 pounds.
Time for our county fair, HOT weather and I wanna wear little to no clothes, HA HA!

September 16th- 160 pounds.
My anniversary! 5 years!  :)

November 20th- 140 pounds.
FINAL GOAL, My hubbys birthday!  Gonna order some sexy lingerie!  :)

That is 10.5 months to lose 132.2 pounds.  I know it sounds drastic but I know it is possible!
I can do this and I will do this!
Hitting my goals will be a huge part of keeping me on track, but I also know that sometimes it might not happen.  I will be okay, I will re adjust my goals a little and get right back with it if that happens!

This is my beginning to a NEW me and the END to the old me!!!

Technically I started my journey 13 days ago but I have decided to keep track of it in a public way!  Just another way of holding myself accountable and making sure I reach my goals!!!
I was average as a younger person, not skinny skinny but not overweight. My weight gain started between the age of 16 and 17 when I was pregnant with my first child.  To explain in a short roundabout way, I had a baby boy but I gave him up for adoption.  I chose a better life for him because I was not ready to be a mom.  That being said, this is not about that but about me and my life now.
So before getting pregnant my weight was 128 pounds and I am 5 foot 3 inches.  By the time I gave birth I was 200 pounds.  Between the ages of 17 and 20 I fluctuated between 180 and 200 pounds.  Then I got pregnant with my daughter Savannah.  By the time I gave birth to her in July of 2006 I was 21 years old and up to 241 pounds.  I managed to initially lose some of that weight and went back down to 208 pounds.  But in no time the weight climbed back up. By the time I got married in September of 2007 I was 250 pounds.  Over the years I tried to lose weight, dieting and exercise but usually it was a crash course diet that failed because it didn't last and I went right back to my old eating habits.  In June of 2009 I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter, at my first appointment I weighed in at 262 pounds and by the time I had her I was 274 pounds.  I didn't lose so much after having her and it wasn't long before I was pregnant again.  A year to be exact is when we found out we were expecting our son.  My first doctors appointment for him, I weighed 272 pounds.  Just two pounds under what I was at a full term pregnancy with my daughter.  I was beyond discouraged because I knew I was bound to gain at least 20 to 30 pounds if not more.  I was fairly careful during my last pregnancy because I was scared of hitting 300 pounds.  Just the number 300 sounds enormous, and that is how I felt.  So my all time high record weight was on September 19th, 2011 the day my son was born.  297 pounds, and I sure looked it too!!!  Since having him four months ago I was able to get down about 25 pounds.  When I started this 13 days ago I was 272.4 pounds.

I am done being fat!!!  I am done because it makes me depressed and unhappy, I have horribly low self esteem because I feel disgusting!  I am done because I am ashamed of myself for gaining so much weight and staying that way for so long!  I am done because I want to run and play with my kids.  I am done because I want to be sexy for my husband!  I am done because I want to be healthy and live a long happy healthy life!  I AM DONE because FAT is not going to dictate my life and who I am!

My first goal I set for myself was to be down to 259 pounds at my two week mark.  That is in 2 days and I am now right between 264 and 265.  I know I can do this!  I have been working out and eating a healthy low calorie diet!  I have messed up probably a handful of times but I am going strong and I refuse to quit! 
I need all the support I can get so feel free to leave me comments about your thoughts and, well, anything you want to say! 

I am going to post a few pictures of me at my highest weight and I will continue to post pictures as my weight goes down and I hit my goals!!!
My next blog will record my notes and daily meals and such for the last 13 days as well as the goals I have set for myself!

Are you ready to watch my kick butt?!  Cause I'm going to, I GOT THIS!!!